What a crap day
To be spent in this way
Today was going to be my release
From my “Stockholm Syndrome”, please
Why is it that everything I touch
From abuse to abuse
Why am I so needy?
Why do I have to live my life through other people?
Why, I don’t mean to be greedy.
Don’t I have enough substance to exist on my own?
People, get off my back
Get off my phone
Stop telling me what I should do
I am me and you are you.
I owe you nothing, any of you
I birthed you, loved you or befriended you too
And now I need help, but all I get is
Calls to tell me what I should do
For everyone else
I can no longer live this way
It’s impossible really
Is all I can say.
I’ll admit that this is just my perspective
But I feel as though I am supposedly responsible for everyone else’s
Needs, wants, finances, defences
You are all adults now too
When I was your age I was working full time,
Paying the bills
Managing a house and a family, fine……..
I could do it then, but I can’t do it now
I can never meet your expectations
I will always be made to feel guilty
That I didn’t fulfil my ‘duty’
Amongst all of the shit I was already going through
From your father, my partner and you
Yes, I should have given up more of my life
To try to be the perfect wife
And mother and financier and homebuilder too
Despite the beatings, degradation and public shame
That’s why I finally changed back my name
To my own.
Now I am here, stuck in this quagmire of shit
To me there doesn’t seem to be any way out of it
No matter which way I turn
Everyone wants a piece
But I have nothing more to give.
This is a very poor attempt at poetry
But then, poor attempts are my forte
And yet I feel I have tried and tried
But it’s never enough…………..