Oh How I Abused You

by pippa (follow)

I abused you for over 10 years
I admit there was a break from abuse
Around age 20 to 23
When I moved away
Exiled to Tasmania

A weekly if not daily ritual
Of glass after glass after glass

I was not fussy
Beer
Cider
Spirits
Wine
Anything toxic

Toxic enough to make me forget my ambitions
Forget who I was
Live in the moment
Be extravagant
Thinking I was extraordinary

Slowly dying inside
Destroying my purity
Destroying me and my life

The expense alone is enough to stop a rational person

But when you are suffering
From other forms of madness
Illness
Weakness
The drink is all you need

I was abusing myself
I see it now
Now I've been sober
Now I am pregnant

I care more for the child inside me
Than I care for myself
And she deserves cleanliness
A sanctuary to grow
To be safe and protected
Not tormented and abused

Enough is enough
I care too much

Sober for three months now
Staying sober for an indefinite amount of time

I do not need the drink anymore

I see I can survive without it

I never want to be the dependant hopeless story
I think I was before
Or it will be me in the hospital

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